Suddenly, I Felt the Urge to Find Some Glass Footwear.

Can I just tell all of you that I love Thursday night for all the wonderful television it brings for me? 30 Rock is simply wonderful, Grey's Anatomy has reached classic status, and if you're not watching Community, you should be ashamed.

In other, more interesting news, I have had a week full of highs and lows. A week full of roses and thorns. A week full of happies and crappies...

My number one story is a happy and a crappy at the same time (which is funny, because I always hated when campers would say that during devotions).

This past Saturday, I was asked if I had any plans by my one new friend, who we'll call Rae-Rae. After making what I'm sure was a hilarious joke about my crazy single life, Rae-Rae invited me to the big deal event of the season: The Annual Cattle Barons' Ball. Just like that, Rae-Rae became my Fairy Godmother.

After magically sensing I didn't know what to wear,my Fairy Godmother made sure I had the best duds possible for such a Ball, and picked me up in her car, along with two of her other friends.

I had never been to a Ball, so when we were driving to the event that could easily make or break the beginning of my Longview social life, I felt it appropriate to say, "So will the car turn back into a giant gourd if we don't make it back by midnight."

Yeah. And the night was only just beginning.

We get to the Ball and I find out that the tickets to this shindig are well over $100. And that was just for the regular townsfolk. The Longview VIP Royalty were paying waay more. Just as I'm thinking, "well, this was fun," Fairy Godmother Rae-Rae comes over and says she has gotten all of us in. For free.

When I say free, I want you all to know what that implies. Gourmet chicken, BBQ, and steak, beer, margaritas, music, entertainment, and Port-a-Potties all at no cost to me.

Suddenly, I felt the urge to find some glass footwear.

Now, as the night is unfolding, I'm learning that the Cattle Barons' Ball is a very noisy affair. The event was inside a large, echo-y pavilion and the live music acts were being blared from the largest speakers I had ever seen. It didn't help that the only place to sit was right next to the stage. So, yeah, I got a headache.

I would've drowned my headache in free booze, but as I am a responsible Director of Youth and Family Ministries, and it was Sunday the next day, I abstained. So, yeah, the headache got worse.

Nevertheless, I was determined to show Rae-Rae I was having a good time. Every time the music stopped, I would try to jump in the conversation among the close group of friends I had come with. But thanks to short music breaks, my awesome, audio-impaired left ear, and my status as the new guy, my attempts to break into the conversation went mostly unnoticed.

Rae-Rae, like the sweetheart she is, would keep asking me if I was having a good time, to which I always replied with a hearty, "yes!"

I think she knew something was up.

As the night wound down, the music got steadily less booming and I was able to break into the convo and get to know the group a little bit. At this point, I still felt like I was auditioning for a spot in their group, though. But when I was invited to be a part of their end-of-night group picture, I was uplifted. As we posed there, beside two gigantic, bedazzled plywood cowboy boots, my only thought was: "I really hope I'm still friends with these people in a year, or else I'll be known as 'that weird stranger who messed up their picture".

Now, let it be known, I did have a good time at the Ball. I got in for free, and not many people can say that (the next Monday, I went in to work, told everyone where I had been on Saturday night, and Snickers said, "Ooh, Daniel's all hoity-toity!"). And the food was great. And when I was able to talk to them, the people I went with were fun to get to know. It's one more reason I love Longview. I already have a tiny group of people who I know can tolerate me for at least a night. The trick is now to gently ease them into dealing with me on a multi-night basis. Ha.

Oh. And we were fine on the way home. No gourds.

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My number one crappy for the week is that I had my first high school youth meeting and only one kid came. That was a bummer, but I got to sit with the one kid and get to know her pretty well. So that was nice. If you want to pray for these meetings to take off, I'd appreciate it. I know I will be.

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It's funny. I'm beginning to realize that this is my career. It's a strange feeling to know that the actions and decisions I make right now will define me as a youth minister. With so many friends blowing up Facebook about graduation being right around the corner, I've been jarred to the realization that the situation I am in is not measured by semesters, but by the job I do. It's been five years since I've had any semblance of a steady lifestyle that has lasted longer than four months.

This is my new life. And I intend to live it.

Okay, on that incredibly corny note, I'm gonna go re-watch last week's Glee episode. Which was epic.

-Danul

Am I Grown Up or What?

After too much time away, I have returned to the blogosphere. So much has happened since we left off, so this post will be mostly catch-up. The mustard and mayonnaise will have to wait until next time.

This past weekend was a busier two days than my first whole week of work. Funny. My parents came up from Kerrville to help move me into an apartment. An apartment that, for shopping sight-unseen from Kerrville, looks amazing...or so my mother says. Every time we went in and out the door, she had to stop to fawn over my built-in bookshelves. She practically had to be gagged with a spoon when I told her I would be putting my movie collection there.

That Sunday saw me get installed at the church, which meant I got to go to church twice and give a children's message and do it all with my parents in tow. Am I grown up or what?

My children's message was on our identification in Christ versus our identification in the world. I made a joke and the parents laughed. I loove it when the parents laugh.

In true Lutheran fashion, after the late service, the congregation congregated in the fellowship hall for some good ol' potluck eatin'. It had everything you would expect:

• broccoli and cheese casseroles
• macaroni and cheese
• BBQ
• Iced tea (sweet and un-sweet)
• a punch-type drink that no one could tell the flavor of
• fried chicken
• and a delicious fruit/jell-o/whipped cream concoction that was not a dessert
• oh yeah, and desserts.

It was wonderful. We ate. We drank (tea). My parents were merry with the everyone in the church. So much so, that everyone wanted them to move to Longview. We'll see.

Toward the end of the meal, the president of the congregation came over to me with the basket full of the free-will offering for the meal. Or what I thought was the free will offering for the meal. He placed the basket, which was overflowing with crumpled green money, in front of me and said that it was a gift from the church to furnish my apartment. I'm not one to be speechless often, but here I had nothing to say. This was so outside of what I was expecting this church to do, and yet here they all were, willing to give me even more than they already had. Like I said, I thought the basket had been for a free will offering. I had put my own money in it! Gives a whole new understanding to the phrase, "spend money to make money," right?

My parents left that afternoon and I broke in my new apartment. I have this ritual: every time I move into a new place, I spend almost the whole first night decorating it while watching episodes of Friends. I know, I know.

During my second week of work, I went out to lunch twice. I love this job!

I had been introduced to another youth minister in the area and she has been nice enough to introduce me to her own friends. She could tell that I was desperate for some age-appropriate interaction.

But the most interesting thing about my second week of work happened right as I was leaving the office. Crap.

I was walking to my car, listening to the new Glee music on my awesome new iPhone, and a man came lumbering up to me. He had little to no teeth, his shirt was stained and greasy, and he was wearing shorts and house shoes. I could tell already he was going to be a memorable experience. He started in on a drawn out story how he just got told he was evicted from his apartment on the same day he lost his job and how his wife/girlfriend/baby mama is in their out-of-gas car, which was parked in the church parking lot. Oh yeah, and she was pregnant again.

He asked me if I could help and I stammered like an idiot. I was able to get out that our church secretary would know more about the church's policies on this kind of a thing than I would, so I take him inside to see Snickers. She was about to leave herself, so she was not about to be led on. I stand back while she whittles off the policy of the church in regards to extending help.

Apparently, we do it through the local community ministries organization, and to protect ourselves, we were unable to give him anything from the church. He protested, and I felt awful listening to his plight, but Snickers totally stood her ground.

The man left the church and Snickers and I followed him out. After Snickers had gotten in her car, almost as if he was waiting to get me alone, the man came scurrying over to me and fed me the story one last time and ended it by hitting me up personally for cash. I gave him all $7 I had in my wallet and got in my car.

Driving back home, I thought about this guy's story...I came to the unfortunate conclusion that I didn't believe him. I felt dirty for thinking it, but I honestly think he had been lying to me. I felt like he knew he was not getting anything out of Snickers and therefore was waiting to catch me alone. Thinking these things made me feel like the worst person in the world, but I couldn't help it.

That's when Snickers called me. She told me she was glad I had stayed with her to deal with that man and that she hoped I hadn't given him too much money. She told me that too many times people have come to the church only to take advantage of our services, which means we have to protect ourselves. She also said something quite wise: "You did what you did for the Lord, and that means it doesn't matter what he does with it. You'll be blessed for your part no matter what."

Wow. I've been in this job two weeks and already have had to deal with my first waay uncomfortable situation. It's stuff like that that make me realize just how much God is shaping me. This job in Longview is turning me on to new experiences that I had never even considered. I wonder what's next.

On a lighter note, I finally got TV service, so right now I'm gonna go record stuff on my DVR just for the hell of it.

-Danul

"I Smell Like A Million Restaurants."

For the first week of being employed full-time, I have been living with the awesome Pastor Hogwarts and his wonderful wife, Funny Girl. One of my biggest fears about living with them for a week was if I was going to eat them out of house and home with my Neanderthal appetite. Honestly. I inhale food. I was worried for their safety.

Thankfully, every night so far I have been able to curb my hunger by drinking a lot of water while still getting enough food for a normal person with a normal appetite.

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Last night, however, was one of the most magical of my life. Pastor had scored three tickets to an event called "The Taste of Longview". Naively, I asked what this was. Pastor, Funny Girl, and their dog all gave me a look that said: "We are about to blow your mind-hole."

Apparently, Longview has an annual gathering of area restaurants. I mean, local joints along with national chains. Nearly 40 different food establishments come together every year for one night...to feed the waiting, carnivorous masses.

If I could compare what I was feeling that night to something you all could understand, I would say it was only the ever-so-slightest smidgen of a point below what I was feeling when I was holding the last Harry Potter book in my hands for the first time.

Yeah. It was that fantastic.

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The moment we entered the gym-sized room, the catchy anthem "Party in the USA," by that lovable songstress Miley Cyrus came on. It had never been more appropriate.

My mouth was full the whole time we were there. Which worked out quite nicely for me whenever we ran into someone from the congregation. I managed to embarrass myself a grand total of six times that night. But I could hardly care...I was in The Land of Endless Food and I was never leaving.

There were:

• sandwich places,
• Mexican places,
• pizza places (but no Pizza King. Shocker, right?),
• wine and beer stations,
• ethnic places,
• veggie places,
• cake booths,
• burger joints,
• and even a booth for the culinary arts class of the local high school.

But the best of the best, the cream of the crop, the sugary icing on the best cake ever, hands down, was the ribs 'n' dippin' sauce from Bodacious BBQ. ZOMGBBQ.

It was literally finger-lickin' good. And that verb got tossed around quite a few times. Literally. By the end of the event, I'm pretty sure I had devoured an entire rack of ribs, because I had been going back for more so many times. It helped that the owners were practically throwing the ribs into the crowd.

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As we were walking out of the Convention Center where people were tasting all that Longview had to offer, we passed a ticket-taker who was wearing stirrup pants, a solemn reminder of why 80's fashion was so totally tubular. I pointed this out to Funny Girl and we both had a good giggle about it. Only afterwards did I find out that she was laughing because she thought I had said, "Hey, look! That lady is doing a stripper dance!"

Walking to the car under yet another cool, wispy-pink sunset, I rubbed my itchy nose. "Oh, gross," I said. "I smell like a million restaurants."

On the car ride back, I reflected on the night. I was amazed at how well this community could come together for an annual event like this. I had never been to anything like it and was amazed that more towns didn't do it.

It was quite the event. Live DJ, door prizes, and a pretty awesome raffle (I won candy). Seriously, there were couples there on date night.

This is just another reason I'm adding to my list of why I'm so happy to be in Longview, starting this new chapter of my life. I've said already that I love the people. I've told a few that the shopping is top-notch (or at least a notch toppier than Kerrville). Now, I can say that I have tasted Longview. And Longview tastes goood.

---

We arrived back at their house after a dark lesson of "Learning the Streets of Longview," and we fell into watching some cop drama on CBS (seriously, beside its Monday night line-up, why does CBS even bother?).

And wouldn't you know, an hour later, I was hungry again.

-Danul

That Yellow Stuff Sure Ain't Fairy Dust

"Daniel, welcome to Longview! We are so excited you are here!"

These are the daunting words I have been hearing for the past five days since I arrived in East-Never-Knew-It-Was-Here-Til-I-Did, otherwise known as Longview, Texas. It's about as East as you're allowed to go before you're no longer permitted to call yourself a Texan. Suffice it to say, I love it here...so far.

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The first night I was here was awash with new experiences. I was welcomed into the home of my pastor and new boss, who shall call Pastor Hogwarts from here on. He and his wonderfully sarcastic wife, who we'll call Funny Girl, showed me to the room I'd be staying in for the week. I unpacked a week's worth of my life and got in a fight with the dimmer switch. The dimmer switch won.

I went back out to the living room and they invited me out to dinner at Cheddar's, a place I decided was a Chili's without the Mexi-fluence. Our lucky waitress received some first-class flirting from yours truly and after tasting her recommended dish, I decided Longview could work for me.

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The next morning was, of course, Easter Sunday. I spent the entire morning wondering if my starting a new job on the day Jesus saved our souls was some kind of irony. I decided that if my life was a classic novel being analyzed by a high school AP English class, this coincidence would probably qualify as something.

I asked one of the moms if I could sit with her family, and while she didn't have a problem with it, her middle-school-aged daughter either always wears a look of mingled fear at church, or was utterly uncomfortable with a strange man sitting next to her. Go figure.

The service was beautiful. The giant white sanctuary felt like the perfect place to celebrate such an occasion as the salvation of mankind. There were lilies everywhere as music filled the room. One woman was actually wearing an Easter bonnet. I had heard of women wearing large colorful headdresses, but had never seen them in real life...kind of like unicorns. Or Bigfoot.

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I spent the Easter breakfast after church getting introduced to everyone and their mother. And I mean literally everyone. And their mother. It was Easter Sunday. Duh.

Of course, every time I would think it okay to take a bite of my food, someone else was making their way to me to congratulate me and tell me their names. With every well-wish and offer of good luck and, "we look forward to seeing great things from you", my brain went "DUN. DUN. DUHHHN."

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Monday dawned and I went to work. The phrase, "welcome to the first day of the rest of your life," played through my head all morning long. I was introduced to the future inspiration of many a fun story to be published on this blog: the church secretary, who will be referred to as Snickers from this time on. I decorated my office all morning, and spent all afternoon on Facebook, because that's how awesome our office is.

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Tuesday and Wednesday dawned the same as Monday. The sun rose in the East, Snickers made me love my job even more, and yellow pollen was everywhere. Apparently, from about mid-March to late May, the whole town is sprinkled in the stuff. It's like a giant fat kid shook the sprinkles can waaay too hard and the cap fell off. I mean, seriously. If you stand too still for too long, you can actually see the pollen settle on your clothes.

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I had such an idealistic, Never Land attitude about what I was going to in Longview. But alas, that yellow stuff everywhere sure ain't fairy dust. But still, the pros outweigh the cons, like, a zillion trillion to one. Let it be known that I am superhappy to be here and that I cannot wait to tell all four people who will regularly read this blog about all the East Texas shenanigans I'm going to get into. Word.

I gotta go shower.

-Danul

PS The sunsets here are OMG.