A Very Thoughtful Blog Entry

Because I can't think of anything clever to start off this post, I'll simply remind you in all caps that HP7 ARRIVES IN 44 DAYS. OHGAWD.

*Ahem*

In other Danul news, my life in Longview has fallen pleasantly into an early autumn. As I write, it is a breezy 70 degrees (Fahrenheit, for the smartmouths out there) outside and I'm wishing to be outside. No color changes yet, but as it is October finally, those highly-anticipated oranges and yellows should be here soon.

This past weekend, I had the pleasure (?) to be the center of attention at Longview's annual "Touch A Truck, Feed A Family" event, benefiting the local community ministry organization. I spent the five-hour event atop a dunking booth, hovering above a tub of blurry brown water(honestly- it looked like an iced coffee after all the ice had melted); a sitting duck at the mercy of the hundreds of kids who could not wait to see me submerged.

Seriously, I must have been dunked over 200 times. I had to wash my hair three times before I actually felt clean again. But it was a good time. We were the "it" thing at the event, even beating out the baby animals and the bouncy houses. Go us. :D

You will all be undoubtedly be proud to hear that I have finally ventured out of my apartment and into the real world of young adults. And even better- it's paying off! However, I've been feeling a bit conflicted in this area, and so I've come to the blogosphere for assistance.

Not too long ago, I was attending a church fair at the local university as First Lutheran representative. It was a bit...unsettling to see all the other churches in the area set up shop with flashing lights, videos, free T-shirts, and multi-dimensional displays. It was definitely a wake-up call. I told myself to go check out these other churches and see what their stories were. God must've been thinking the same thing, because the first booth I went to was full of people who looked my age. I inched in a little closer, still wary that they could really all be a lot older, a lot younger, or a lot weird.

I got to talking to several of them, the whole time expecting them to bust out with some ape-crap theology or ask for a vile of my saliva, but none of that happened. Instead, they invited me to their Sunday night study group for young adults. I told them I would definitely be there, and with a homemade cookie in hand and a smile on my face, I walked back to my own booth.

I have been attending the group, called "Shift", for around two months now, and I'm, like, loving it. Good people, good discussion; good God, it's just awesome. I honestly haven't felt this included in a long time.

So there's that. And now here's this.

I've also become involved in the local YoungLife group in Longview. For those who don't know, YoungLife is a ministry geared toward unchurched high schoolers that sets up different chapters in each high school in the area, so each school has its own place to go. The chapters meet every week at "club" to play games, sing songs, and generally exert pent-up energy. It's a rambunctious affair, but I can see the kids love it. Toward the end of each club, the kids are quieted to hear a short-n-sweet message from one of the leaders.

Right now, I'm in training to be one of the leaders for a YoungLife chapter at one of the many high schools in Longview.

Therein lies my conflict.

The YL training is on the same nights as Shift, so I'm missing out on building friendships with this group that I truly enjoy being around. I feel spiritually and physically well when I attend Shift. When I have to leave early to get to YL training, I feel like I've driven away from the gas station with the nozzle still gushing fuel all over the now empty concrete.

At the training, I am easily the oldest person being trained. And honestly, it's nothing I don't already know. Having gone through camp staff training four times and taken youth ministry courses in college, I know how to handle kids. I also am very familiar with a lot of the theological training they are putting the trainees through.

We're reading a book by A.W. Tozer- a 19th century theologian who writes like he's amending the KJV Bible (it's really quite amazing to think how much language has changed in 100 years). True, I'm no stranger to fancy words, but my critically-trained mind wants to unpack Tozer's words while the rest of the young trainees are very quick to agree with whatever Tozer says. It's not that I don't agree, it's just that I would like to discuss them. One big topic is the moment at which one knows they've been saved, and how everyone should have one. While I applaud and support those who have had such a moment, I do not. I've had a lifelong close relationship with Christ, and I'm not going to second guess it because Tozer says I should.

I've already dealt with this theology. I've read it, considered it, and come to my own conclusions about it. I'm not saying it's bad theology or that the other trainees won't benefit from it, but that I've already gotten everything that I could personally get out of it. But I can't see myself sitting through another month's worth of weekly training, while missing out on something that is spiritually fulfilling to me personally.

For lack of a better word, I feel a bit more advanced than the rest of the trainees. And like I said, I would rather be at Shift anyway.

On the other hand...

YoungLife is a ministry I have personally seen God work through. It is indeed a great thing. I got involved in YL to reach more kids for my church, and I am sure that would happen.

But which is more important: my personal social/spiritual fulfillment or my obligation to bring kids to my church?

Recently, I thought I had this all sorted out. I was going to set YL aside (for the time being, anyway), and focus on building up my own spiritual well-being. But like always, God threw a monkeywrench into the proceedings.

I attended a YL dinner last night and basically had my mind changed for me by a young girl who gave a very emotional testimony on how YoungLife had changed her life. And just like that, I was back to square one. I knew I was being told to be involved.

I can say for sure God wants me to be involved with this ministry, but I don't yet know how. I can't see God wanting me to put my own spirit on hold, so I'm hoping and praying for an answer soon.

I'm meeting with the YL area coordinator this week to discuss this all with him, and hopefully he'll have an idea.

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So that's the conflict I face right now. There's some more to it, but I got the gist of it together for you. I figure anyone who reads this can sympathize with at least one side of the fence I'm straddling right now. I'd appreciate any comments, thoughts, and even sternly worded critique if you feel I so deserve it.

I can't thank you enough for reading my rambles. I babble so much, it's not often I find myself with actual problems to write about. But my parents love it, so I keep on. The things I do...

- Danul