Danul's Summer Movie Preview

Since we both know I love movies more than I probably should, I decided to channel it into something at least pseudo-productive. Below is my personal rundown of the biggest movies coming out this summer season. Hopefully, you will read it and feel informed (and, hey, maybe chuckle a few times).

Thor (May 7)

PG-13

Chris Hemsworth, Natalie Portman, Anthony Hopkins, Stellan Skarsgard, Kat Dennings

78% Fresh

Danul’s rating: A

Why you should see it: Because it’s awesome. Seriously, as someone who really had no idea who Thor was as a superhero, I very much enjoyed this film. The action is well-paced and looks beautiful. Surprisingly, Chris Hemsworth is completely believable as a alternate dimension alien/Norse god. Also, I managed to pull off a decent youth group devotion, drawing parallels between Thor/Jesus, Odin/God, The Hammer/Holy Spirit, and Loki/Satan.

Why you shouldn’t see it: People seeking a romance won’t find much substance here. Whereas superhero films like Spider-Man and Superman rely heavily on the boy-loves-girl trope Thor relegates this to the backseat. It’s a shame too, since Natalie Portman shines during her limited screentime. Also, Kat Dennings’ lines are so simpering, I would’ve rather her character not there at all.

Bridesmaids (May 13)

R

Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph, Rose Byrne, Melissa McCarthy, Wendi McLendon-Covey, Ellie Kemper

89% Fresh

Danul’s rating: A

Why you should see it: If you are a fan of Judd Apatow (The 40-Year-Old Virgin, Knocked Up), this is a film for you. Apatow is skilled at giving us some serious raunch while at the same time surprising us with sincere sentimentality. Bridesmaids is no exception. Here’s hoping Kristen Wiig is not kept by SNL next season. She deserves to do more. Also, what can’t Rose Bryne do?

Why you shouldn’t see it: The raunch I mentioned comes within the first two minutes of the film, which caught me off-guard. Some people may not be able to get over it. Also, The Office’s Ellie Kemper and Reno 911’s Wendi McLendon-Covey start out with interesting stories, but the film gets tunnel vision and forgets about them.

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (May 20)

PG-13

Johnny Depp, Penelope Cruz, Geoffrey Rush, Ian McShane

33% Rotten

Danul’s rating: B

Why you should see it: C’mon, it’s Pirates! No matter how righteous your anger over the atrocity of At World’s End, you can’t deny yourself some Jack Sparrow. It helps that Johnny Depp is clearly still invested in the character. Also, there’s some pretty interesting mythology building for future installments.

Why you shouldn’t see it: At this point, these films are purely business decisions, and despite everyone’s (best?) efforts, that shows. With two more sequels already green-lit, Disney is clearly hell-bent on telling us the story of Jack Sparrow, while somehow never telling us anything. Also, Penelope Cruz walks a very thin line between grating and endearing.

The Hangover Part II (May 25)

R

Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms, Zack Galifianakis, Justin Bartha

40% rotten (as of May 24)

Danul’s projected rating: B-

Why you should see it: If you were among the absolute throng of people who looooved The Hangover, then you would be remiss to miss this. There’s no denying the fact that the three leads are adept at comedy, and it'll be nice to see more of them playing off one another. Also, this one has a monkey!

Why you shouldn’t see it: From what I’ve read and seen, Part II seems to be literally copying the entire formula (including Ken Jeong, Mike Tyson, Jonas Brothers) and pasting it in Thailand. If it were up to me, I would get Doug in on the fun this time around (seeing as he spent the whole first movie on a roof), but it looks like that’s not the case. Also, quotes from the trailer like, “I can’t believe this is happening again!” don’t inspire confidence.

Kung Fu Panda 2 (May 26)

PG

V/O: Jack Black, Angelina Jolie, Jackie Chan, Dustin Hoffman, Jean-Claude Van Damme

89% fresh (as of May 24)

Danul’s projected rating: B-

Why you should see it: I’m a Pixar man myself, but I found Kung Fu Panda very enjoyable. Talking animals are just so damn adorable (see: The Lion King, Finding Nemo, Bambi)! The ancient Chinese setting allowed for some gorgeous visuals, and I’m expecting the same from the sequel. Also, the action looks pretty nifty.

Why you shouldn’t see it: With at least four (yes, four) more (yes, more) sequels planned, Dreamworks seems to have ordained its next flagship franchise, taking over for Shrek, which supposedly, will have no more films. Kung Fu Panda 2 is most likely the last shred of originality we’ll see from this series. Also, Angelina Jolie is a troll.

X-Men: First Class (June 3)

PG-13

James McAvoy, Michael Fassbender, Jennifer Lawrence, Rose Byrne, January Jones

Projected critic rating: Fresh

Danul’s projected rating: B+

Why you should see it: It’s got some pretty solid acting chops in front of the camera. Almost every lead has had critical success before (a few even being Oscar nominees). The X-Men are my favorite superheroes, and I expect this film to hold up the legacy (not counting the sag that was X-Men Origins: Wolverine). Also, the costumes look a lot less ridiculous than in earlier X-Men entries.

Why you shouldn’t see it: If you are one of the few who will never forgive the X-Men franchise for The Last Stand, you probably won’t be willing to give this one a chance. From the trailers, there seem to be a TON of characters, which makes me nervous. That almost never works out for superhero films (see: Spider-Man 3, Iron Man 2). Also, while Rebecca Romijn pulled off a certain sexiness with the character of Mystique…Jennifer Lawrence just looks weird.

Super 8 (June 10)

PG-13

Kyle Chandler, Elle Fanning

Projected critic rating: Fresh

Danul’s projected rating: A

Why you should see it: This is probably one of the most hyped films of the summer (its first trailer debuted last summer) for tow reasons: Steven Spielberg and JJ Abrams. Both of these guys have enough street cred to make geeks everywhere wet their pants. Kyle Chandler (TV’s Friday Night Lights) is pretty well-loved too. Also, all the trailers just make me so curious.

Why you shouldn’t see it: It looks like it’ll be another monster movie from JJ Abrams and Steven Spielberg. As soon as the secrets are revealed, the film isn’t going to hold that mystery anymore. Also, Elle Fanning has dead eyes.

Green Lantern (June 17)

PG-13

Ryan Reynolds, Blake Lively, Mark Strong, Peter Sarsgaard

Projected critic rating: Mid-rotten

Danul’s projected rating: C+

Why you should see it: From the trailers, it looks like this film is trying so hard to be good, I can’t help but give it a chance. The concept of the Green Lantern is an intriguing one with truly endless possibilities, thanks to the fact that the comic has featured multiple characters wielding the magic ring. Also, Ryan Reynolds oozes charisma.

Why you shouldn’t see it: This will be the third superhero film of the summer, so the general public may be burnt out. It doesn’t help that all three films are all telling the same story: how the title character(s) became the title character(s). Thor handled its heavy CGI well, but Green Lantern is looking more and more like Star Wars: Episode II. Also, Blake Lively is about as lively as wet cardboard.

Mr. Popper’s Penguins (June 17)

PG

Jim Carrey, Carla Gugino

Projected critic rating: Rotten

Daniel’s projected rating: C

Why you should see it: If you’ve ever thought that the only thing to make Jim Carrey funnier is to add multiple CGI penguins, then here you go. Also, geek queen Carla Gugino is in it.

Why you shouldn’t see it: Jim Carrey hasn’t been funny since Bruce Almighty. And this PG-rating doesn't help him out; instead, the film is sure to be filled with fart jokes. Also, the penguins aren’t even REAL.

Cars 2 (June 24)

PG

V/O: Owen Wilson, Larry the Cable Guy, John Turturro, Eddie Izzard, Michael Caine

Projected critic rating: Fresh

Danul’s projected rating: A

Why you should see it: Pixar can, so far, do no wrong. Every single one of their films has been a critical and (arguably) commercial success. The trailers for their latest effort have (rightly so) been very shy about giving away details, which serves to make me curious. Also, this one looks to be a lot lighter fare than the end-of-an-era Toy Story 3.

Why you shouldn’t see it: In my opinion, Cars is the weakest of the Pixar canon, and the least lend-able to a sequel (hello, where is our The Incredibles 2: The Attack of the Underminer?). Mater jokes can only take us so far. Also, this has got to be the ONLY thing Larry the Cable Guy is doing these days.

Bad Teacher (June 24)

R

Cameron Diaz, Justin Timberlake, Jason Segel, Lucy Punch

Projected critic rating: Rotten

Danul’s projected rating: C+

Why you should see it: Jason Segel is boss. Justin Timberlake is hilarious. Even the lesser-known Lucy Punch is funny. Also, it’ll be fun to watch Cameron Diaz totally hit rock bottom (both in the film and reality).

Why you shouldn’t see it: Cameron Diaz is looking worse for wear these days…so she chooses a raunchy comedy to re-establish herself with today’s young people? Can’t say I see this catching on. Also, there look to be better comedies coming up.

Transformers: Dark of the Moon (July 1)

PG-13

Projected critic rating: Rotten

Danul’s projected rating: B

Why you should see it: Michael Bay is clearly throwing his hands up with this one. If you’ve ever wanted to see action for action’s sake (just balls-out, jaw-dropping, ear-splitting action), then this is for you. I cannot wait. Also, “OPTIMUUSSSSSS!!”

Why you shouldn’t see it: There is no art present here. Just octane. Also, they’ve replaced that idiot Megan Fox with a less attractive idiot.

Larry Crowne (July 1)

PG-13

Tom Hanks, Julia Roberts, Bryan Cranston, Cedric the Entertainer

Projected critic rating: Fresh

Danul’s projected rating: A

Why you should see it: Tom Hanks back in a movie like the ones that made him famous? Julia Roberts back from her fat slob days of Eat, Pray, Love? Yes, please. Romcoms with older couples are the new romcoms with younger couples (see: Love, Actually, It’s Complicated, Last Chance Harvey). Also, the supporting cast looks pretty stellar.

Why you shouldn’t see it: If you’re twelve, you won’t enjoy this. Also, the trailer makes the film seem too perky, which isn’t realistic or tolerable.

Horrible Bosses (July 8)

Not-yet-rated

Jason Bateman, Jennifer Aniston, Kevin Spacey, Jason Sudekis, Charlie Day, Colin Farrell, Jamie Foxx

Projected critic rating: Mid-fresh

Danul’s projected rating: B-

Why you should see this: LOOK AT THE CAST! From the trailer, it’s clear that every single person in this movie is having fun with their roles. Also, it’s about time Charlie Day got some more exposure.

Why you shouldn’t see it: As awesome as the cast is, not a lot of them have been having a great box office or critical record of late (see: The Switch, Hall Pass, Just Go With It). Also, it’s my prediction that, once the film comes out, we’ll all be complaining about the large cast.

Zookeeper (July 8)

PG

Kevin James, Rosario Dawson, Leslie Bibb

V/O: Adam Sandler, Ken Jeong, Cher

Projected critic rating: Rotten

Danul’s projected rating: D

Why you should see it: If Night at the Museum makes you crap your pants with excitement, then you may want to bring some Febreze to your screening of Zookeeper. Also, Kevin James is funny in that “I’m a fat guy, watch me eat a lot and fart” sort of way.

Why you shouldn’t see it: This movie looks awful. Also, Kevin James isn’t funny.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part II (July 15)

Not-yet-rated

Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, Emma Watson, Ralph Fiennes, Alan Rickman, Helena Bonham-Carter

Projected critic rating: Fresh

Danul’s projected rating: A

Why you should see it: IT’S EFFING HARRY POTTER. There’s so much emotion tied to this movie, there is virtually no way the makers could screw it up. Whatever they give us is sure to make us dissolve into goo. I watch the trailer almost daily and it still makes me shiver. I’ll be taking a checklist of all the things to cheer/cry/scream at to my screening. Per reports, the battle of Hogwarts will take up the bulk of the film, so be prepared. Also, Dan, Rupert, and Emma have truly become these characters.

Why you shouldn’t see it: If you’ve been living under a rock or have no soul…you should still see this movie.

Winnie the Pooh (July 15)

G

V/O: Craig Ferguson, Jim Cummings, Tom Kenny, John Cleese

70% fresh (as of May 24)

Danul's projected rating: B

Why you should see it: The trailer for thismovie honestly had my eyes watering. Setting images of Pooh and his friends to the sound of Keane’s “Somewhere Only We Know” was perfect advertising. This film is also a return to 2D animation for Disney, so it’s really riding on the nostalgia factor. And that’s okay. Also, who doesn’t like Pooh?

Why you shouldn’t see it: Don’t expect a great story. The Hundred Acre Wood was never one to keep us on the edge of our seats. Also, unless you have children under 10, you really should be seeing Harry Potter this weekend.

Captain America: The First Avenger (July 22)

PG-13

Chris Evans, Hugo Weaving, Sebastian Stan, Hayley Atwell

Projected critic rating: Mid-fresh

Danul’s projected rating: B

Why you should see it: Osama bin Laden will have been dead for a few months by now, but hopefully our patriotism will still be lingering. This is the final film needed to set up The Avengers film coming next year, which is looking more and more epic. Also, I hear Chris Evans is the epitome of beefcake.

Why you shouldn’t see it: Why this wasn't shortlisted for a July 4th release is beyond me. The last superhero franchise Evans was in (Fantastic Four) was not well-received. His pre-beefcake CGI body looks plain creepy. Let’s hope it’s not in the film long. Also, ANOTHER superhero origins movie?

Friends With Benefits (July 22)

R

Justin Timberlake, Mila Kunis, Patricia Clarkson, Woody Harrelson

Projected critic rating: Mid-fresh

Danul’s projected rating: B-

Why you should see it: Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis have proven they can act and be funny, so it stands to reason that they should be able to have sex and stay friends. Also, the supporting cast looks to be solid.

Why you shouldn’t see it: No Strings Attached already did this. And reasonably well, at that. Also, in what world are we supposed to believe this film takes place? Where can these two not get action?

Cowboys & Aliens (July 29)

PG-13

Daniel Craig, Harrison Ford, Olivia Wilde, Noah Ringer

Projected critic rating: Fresh

Danul’s projected rating: B+

Why you should see it: This is going to be pure, unadulterated entertainment from start to finish. It had better be anyway, what with James Bond AND Indiana Jones in the mix. Total fan service. It'll be the last giant action film of the season, so why not bid farewell to summer in style? Also, it’s from Jon Favreau, who proved twice over with the Iron Man films that he can handle a summertime blockbuster.

Why you shouldn’t see it: With so much awesomeness oozing from the trailers, one can’t help but wonder if the final film will meet expectations. Also, does this mean we’ll be getting a film called Indians & Zombies in two years?

Crazy, Stupid, Love (July 29)

PG-13

Steve Carell, Ryan Gosling, Julianne Moore, Emma Stone

Projected critic rating: Fresh

Danul’s projected rating: A-

Why you should see it: The assembled cast is intriguing enough. It’ll be interesting to see Ryan Gosling in something different (he’s been doing pretty dark indie stuff since The Notebook). Emma Stone is climbing up in Hollywood, and rightly so; she is radiant. Also, it’s a quirky romantic comedy that’ll surely be unlike anything you’ve ever seen!

Why you shouldn’t see it: Beyond its cast, the film doesn’t have a lot going for it so far. The idea doesn’t look original, and that’s a bummer. Also...I really have no 'also' for this one.

The Smurfs (July 29)

PG

Neil Patrick Harris, Hank Azaria, Jayma Mays

V/O: Katy Perry, George Lopez, Alan Cumming

Projected critic rating: Rotten

Danul’s projected rating: C+

Why you should see it: If you’re a fan of the Alvin and The Chipmunks films or the Yogi Bear movie from last year, this film should be right up your alley. The smurfs are hitting NYC, which should prove for some fun times. Also, Neil Patrick Harris surely wouldn’t do this film just for the money...would he?

Why you shouldn’t see it: The smurfs in NYC isn’t exactly reminiscent of the classic cartoon. Also, I foresee a great amount of innappropriate innuendo that will go over the heads of the little ones.

So...which ones are you seeing?

-Danul